This week I have had some thoughts in my mind I just cannot get rid of.  A little over four years ago my sister  (she was 48) committed suicide.  It has been  something I can never understand.  This week we had a neighbor's son commit suicide.  He did it in the same way Lori did.  I felt so bad for the family and cannot even comprehend how bad his parents feel.  Not only that it brought every feeling I had four years ago to the surface again.  Another neighbor started an internet discussion about suicide.  She believed that the topic should be brought out in the open and discussed.  She is correct, but I can understand how much shock the family is in right now.  I could not even speak at first.  I could not even talk to the people I was closest to for  a while.  I just needed time to absorb it and figure out what I needed to do.  I knew I had a funeral to plan, her house to take care of and on and on.  It just takes some time to pull yourself somewhat together.  When I was notified my whole body reacted.  I almost fell to my knees in the middle of the street.  I thought I was doing really well and until all the feelings came back this week.  But the reality is we live in a beautiful world, surrounded by people that we love and that love us.  I find joy in this world.  Of course I am sad sometimes and we all go through really hard things, but we just have to remember we have a loving Heavenly Father that has given us beauty, peace, and people to love.